Run, flee, run for your lives my darlings, bath with salt water, no! bath with salt water with a page from the Book of Psalms dissolved in it and a strand of a rat's hair. Add a dash of anointing oil from that dude who told you he was a prophetic minister of good tidings. Whatever you do, DO NOT APPLY LOGIC TO YOUR PANIC.
And I will now stop being sarcastic.
Yes, due to the sheer willful ignorance and foolishness of my people (you all knew there was an outbreak for months in West Africa, you did nothing and took no precautions...shame on you.), the dreaded viral fever is here. How does it affect you as a makeup maven? Well, here are some things you can do to keep safe
- Don't share your makeup. Seriously, treat your sister as a potential infected victim. Eyeliner is the fastest way to transfer body fluids from one person to another via makeup. Also, are you getting married soon and hiring a makeup artist? Nne, buy your own eyeliner and give her to use on you. A corpse bride is not what that dude wedding you bargained for.
- Don't share your razor blade Some of you will whip out your razor to give your friend Yinka once she complains of stray brow hairs. If you love Yinka, you will buy a pack of razors and give her a new one. My sister once asked me for my razor blade, when I refused her, she asked me if I thought she had HIV. I looked her in the eye and said "yes". One day, we'll be friends again. Besides, "tush" babes use TWEEZERS.
- Wash your hands often and look good: in these perilious times, you should look even more stunning. MAC lipstick in Lady Danger is so nice, you should swipe some on before going to the hospital to see the very goodlooking, single, has-a-british-accent Consultant Virologist to enquire about more Ebola facts. (yes, he took me out to lunch later).
- Hand Sanitiser has become pricier than bleaching cream, so here's how to make some: Buy Methylated Spirit (Isopropyl Alcohol) 70% or more, add a little glycerin, ce fini
- Avoid crowded areas and bathe after coming from those places. Slather on some Sweet Almond oil on your face (fights wrinkles beautifully!) and stay beautiful. If the US drug ZMapp makes everyone zombies, you wanna be a pretty zombie. Amirite?
Jokes apart, please stay safe and be cautious. Some crazy people will still invade your space and insist on touching you (someone I don't really know just touched my shoulder, as by-force greeting. Luckily my shirt had short sleeves. But still!).
We're going to make it. Signing out, take care.
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